Rose-Colored Glasses: The New Age Trap
Kathryn E. May, Psy.D and Gabriella Brightlight
“You think of yourselves as humans searching for a spiritual awakening, when in fact you are spiritual beings attempting to cope with a human awakening. Seeing yourselves from the perspective of the spirit within will help you to remember why you came here and what you came here to do.” – The Group
Spiritual people have been given a hard time by their families, their culture, their friends, and often, their partner or spouse. You are used to being insulted, belittled and diminished by the people who look down their noses at you. You have learned to “forgive and forget”, and to swallow your rage at being insulted. Often, you have decided to keep those people close to you even though they disrespect you for the most important thing in your life – your Faith.
You have been told you are a weirdo. Unconsciously, you have accepted this is true, and it makes you feel shy about revealing what you have learned while being awake. Does this make sense? It would make more sense to be shy about being ignorant and asleep. Masters are teachers. Many of you have forgotten your innate power, and why you are here.
We are now on the brink of a revolution on Planet Earth – a transition so profound and far-reaching that we will barely recognize ourselves or our way of life. It is a time when many of us will have to choose a bright new path, filled with new people who will become our business partners, friends, co-workers and spouses.
We have been entrusted with financial blessings that will require us to create important new networks to accomplish the great changes we envision. How will you create your Vision if you are afraid to talk about it? Will money really change your willingness to be transparent about your beliefs and who you are in the deepest part of your heart?
How do we learn to have good judgment about the people we bring into our lives? You are an avant-garde person. Would you go into business with a person who is traditional and conservative just because they are good at business? What if they flatter you with praise and favors? What if they seem to be loving, kind and giving. How will you know if they are genuine, to be trusted, or just good pretenders?
Shyness is Fear
Let’s call it what it is. Shyness is the result of having been convinced that being yourself will bring on disapproval from others. This creates a dilemma. Do you want their approval or do want your Self? Of course, if you don’t love yourself, why would you want to be yourself?
Why is it hard to leave behind the people who don’t see you for who you really are, and sometimes mistreat you even though it drives you crazy and leaves you frustrated and angry?
Let’s paraphrase an old adage: The thing that irritates you the most in others is the thing you need to work on the most, because it is what you are doing to yourself. You are rejecting and disapproving of yourself, and you have surrounded yourself with people who will agree with you.
How do we get ourselves into such a Black Hole of unworthiness that we are willing to trade our Selves for approval? And how is it that we don’t see this obvious trade-off? Where did we learn to shut down so completely that we are blind to the cruelties we inflict on ourselves by allowing others to mistreat us? And even if we did see it, would we leave to save ourselves?
The Inert Fight or Flight Response
The natural response we are born with, our fight or flight response, is designed to protect us and to guide us. When you are operating at full power, in the center of your brain, it creates a full-body electrical surge to alert you to danger in your environment, including psychological abuse so that you can go into immediate action to defend yourself.
The self-destructive condition we are describing in the earlier sections is the result of having diverted your fight or flight response, from protecting yourself to a state in which you feel constantly anxious, distracted and overwhelmed, unable to identify the true cause of your unhappiness. The neurological effects are profound and pervasive. Your whole body feels “stressed” and your thinking becomes muddled. You feel powerless, frozen, unable to act in your own behalf. Blindness and “stuckness” become a way of life.
The state of being in a constant fight-or-flight adrenaline response lays down tracks in your neurological system, including your visual system, which disconnects you from processing reality, and instead allows you to shut down. You then must have something to feel connected to, so you turn to your brain to provide thoughts and concepts, replacing judgment and objectivity with escapist fantasy “thinking.” This then becomes the story of who you are, forged in your nervous system since childhood.
Learning to be Blind
Our reasons for denying the truth begin with the first days of life. Children don’t want to see ugliness, unkindness or cruelty in their parents and the others around them. We want to love our parents and we want to believe they love us. Our compromises are based on the difficulties we experience in our particular childhoods. Pick your own version of the mind-bending poison:
If my parents are cruel, I am in trouble. I would never stop crying if I admitted to myself how difficult life is with them; therefore, I will close my eyes to what I see.
My parents have to be good, because I am like them, and I want to be good; therefore they are good.
It’s not nice to be angry. I don’t get angry (and even if I did get angry, I wouldn’t feel it), therefore I’m not a bad person.
My parents were terrible, but I’m nothing like them. My childhood didn’t affect me. I don’t remember it. I have put it all behind me. It was in the past. I forgave everyone. (Read “The Black Hole of Forgiveness” https://www.facebook.com/631766556869814/photos/a.778518838861251.1073741849.631766556869814/778518662194602/?type=3&theater or www.whoneedslight.org)
My parents didn’t love me. I can’t love myself. I am unlovable and unworthy. My life is miserable because no one loves me. I can’t conceive that God loves me, even if s/he does love everyone else; s/he has forgotten about me.
Because childhood truth is so awful for so many of us, we prefer to go off into imagination. We develop an allergic reaction to truth because seeing it and knowing it feels so bad. This leads us to a life of compromise, based on the lies we tell ourselves. Here are a few of the worst ones:
Big Lie #1 If I don’t feel it, it isn’t there.
This stance is what is sometimes known as denial.
Here are some of the symptoms:
You don’t feel your body/intuitive response.
You have spent a lifetime learning not to feel, see or think clearly.
You have become used to “suspending judgment,” which leaves you in a state of suspended animation, frozen in place, afraid to move, afraid to not move.
What happens when you feel, see and think clearly? You come to conclusions, you make choices, and you act on them. (Oh, no, not that!)
The old anxiety kicks in, and you use your “head” instead, and this way you can be argued out of anything and you even learn to try to argue others out of their feelings.
When you are truly awake and in alignment with your body, mind, soul, self, you will feel the response to an external event in every cell of your body. You will taste it, you will smell it, you will see it and you will know it. This is what has been called mindfulness, or being in the Zone. It is why we teach Visual Centering. It brings you into alignment with all your sensations, emotions, intuition, and your Higher Self.
Who wants to be in touch with ALL their feelings and emotions? This is the difficult part about being human. This process is not for sissies. You must learn to accept and acknowledge ALL feelings, no matter what they are (without acting on them if possible) and you must be prepared to feel compassion, tenderness and sympathy for yourself. You must also learn to tolerate the fact that you feel these things and that you are not a bad person because of it.
No fair beating up on yourself. It takes courage and determination to learn command over your thoughts, feelings and actions. It is an honorable pursuit to learn everything you must know to be free.
Once you accept all feelings and thoughts, and realize that there was a good reason somewhere in your childhood that you feel these things, a mysterious process takes hold, and you discover that the thoughts and feelings which were so problematic begin to melt away.
You can see yourself more clearly – the one who was shaped by the way you were raised – and understand that you, and your parents before you, are not to blame, even though you are responsible for what you do now, just as they were responsible for their actions toward you. When you see yourself in this great chain of responses handed down from the past, you can extract yourself gently, with compassion and humor, and finally forgive yourself (first) and them (second).
Big Lie #2 I need them. They need me. I need my family, or I will be completely alone.
Being “spiritual” (believing in God) means you know you are never alone, therefore you cannot claim to be a truly spiritual person if you are afraid of loneliness.
Besides, being an adult, you don’t need your original family. You can choose your own family. You choose your partner, your friends, and your associates. In this second chance, are you choosing to repeat My Miserable Childhood or will you be adventurous and find new experiences? Will you stay in that state of feeling like a child and choose your relationships accordingly, or will you create a better life by choosing truly kind and loving people this time around?
But of course, you can’t choose to change your life if you are still asleep, lulled into numbness, denying the pain you would feel intensely if you were processing reality. Instead, you may stay where you are, tolerating low-grade suffering with no end in sight. But this isn’t the end of the story. No one can really suffer in silence. You express your misery by complaining to yourself and others about the people who cause your suffering. You remain in the thought patterns of a victim.
Your complaints are the exact reflection of what needs to change. But is it worth it to leave? Is it worth it to stay? How will you choose?
Have you decided that unhappiness is your lot in life? Are you so afraid to be alone that you will compromise yourself for someone who doesn’t deserve you? Are you so convinced of your importance in the other person’s life that you put them before you? Are you so invested in your fantasy that you will cling to it even if it ruins your life? Are you really convinced that a bad relationship is the best you can do?
Here is where we need Batman sound effects: Thwaak!!! *BAM* Kapow! BoooM! ZONK!!!
AWAKEN! Stop being your worst enemy! Put a stop to abuse in your own life. Dare to see clearly the people around you and what they truly offer you. Change what you think is acceptable. If you find yourself saying, “I would never do that to someone.” then why would you allow it to be done to you?
Now that you are awake and ready to choose new people, how will you know who to trust?
Big Lie # 3 Everyone is Beautiful
This fanciful New Age idea sounds lovely, but is it true in everyday life? Of course not.
Until we have all ascended to higher dimensions, we must distinguish between the Soul and the accumulated personality traits of the incarnated people around us. Not everyone has achieved unity with their Higher Self in such a way as to take command and responsibility for their feelings, thoughts and actions. Some are tied up in denial, pretense, even criminality, all hidden behind what they believe will please others. These are the Puppet Masters who will try to convince themselves and you that they are kind, loving, genuine and very deserving of your love. This is what it means to be caught up in dark thoughtforms.
How can you tell the difference between authenticity and puppetry? Here we cannot give you a list. You must rely on your own sensitivity and intuition. You can feel it. You will know in the first moments of your encounter whether the person is “all there” or whether they are pretending. There is always a tell-tale emptiness – an echo that reveals the disconnect between Head and Heart.
You do not have to know all the details. Your radar, which we described earlier as think/see/feel/taste/smell/hear will tip you off. Now it is up to you to measure, evaluate and decide whether you want to involve yourself (yet again) with someone who is hiding behind a mask, and has probably already revealed their inclinations toward dishonesty and abusive attitudes.
But, there is good in everyone, you might say. All souls are the expression of Creator and deserve a chance. Yes, but a chance at what? Do you really want to take the place of God and try to love them out of their bad behavior, or would you prefer to send them love from a safe distance, and leave the rest to God? If a person needs to change to be decent, why would you want to take on the risky job of getting close to them? What’s in it for you? Are you aiming for sainthood, or a chance at real happiness?
The Rose-Colored Glasses Trap
Here is a familiar example of the conundrum which arises when you refuse to carry through on your own intuition. Let’s say you have encountered a problem with someone you care about, and you are feeling pained by something they have done. With love in your heart, you gently try to tell them how you feel about what they have done, and ask them to look into it with you. The other person becomes angry, accusing or sarcastically belittling, blaming you for bringing it up. You shrivel and shut down, afraid of the blast of dark energy you just felt. You blame yourself for bringing it up. What happened?
You have accepted the idea that you are responsible for the other person’s reaction. The thinking goes like this: If I tell the truth and it upsets the other person, then I have created a conflict, and I am to blame for the other person’s feelings (therefore I should not speak up). You are upset at the emotional reaction, but it isn’t your emotion. You fear the dark energy, but it is not your dark energy. You have just turned the tables on yourself.
What is wrong with this picture?
There is a good option for seeing the other person’s behavior for what it really is. At the first indication of trouble, move back in your brain, take a deep breath, and Don’t Listen to The Words. Listen to the tone of voice, observe the facial expression, watch the look in the person’s eyes, pay attention to their breathing and the quality of their energy. This will allow you to decide whether it would be productive to try to reason with this person, or whether you want to just leave graciously and send love in your wake.
Much of the confusion stems from the following misinterpretation.
Big Lie # 4 You Are The Cause of Everything That Happens To You, Because You Attracted It.
Given the Law of Attraction, this is mostly true, but to think we are the sole cause of everything that happens in the world around us is egomaniacal. Of course, we have had contracts involving relationships with other people, but to think that every response, every feeling another person has in relation to you is caused by you is seeing yourself as the center of the Universe. This gives no credit to the fact that others have free will too, and they are responsible for their own behavior.
Until we have access to the Akashic Records and the entire Cosmic map, we have a more efficient way to approach the events that present themselves to us in our lives. We are responsible for our response to what happens, always. We may or may not have agreed to the unpleasantness we are currently experiencing, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we conduct ourselves with compassion, grace, and inner strength, remembering to embrace ourselves with as much self-love as we offer to others.
It is our responsibility to protect ourselves, to stand as representatives of the Light, and not to pander to or make special exceptions for anyone who brings darkness into our lives. That would be playing on the Dark Side.
Look closely at every time you have compromised your Self in order to win recognition or approval from another. This presumes that someone’s else’s opinion of you is more valuable than your own, but You are the only one who can truly know You. Your soul is beautiful, your connection with God is beautiful, and you are learning. The most important thing is how honorably and sincerely you work on being in command.
If you don’t look deeply into yourself, the one you need to truly know, how can you see others? If you don’t acknowledge your mistakes and accept them, how can you see others mistakes and know how serious they are?
How will you gauge other people’s mistakes if you can’t gauge your own? If you would rather go back to sleep and avoid the whole thing, it means returning to: Everyone is Beautiful. Now be prepared to welcome the Puppets Who Do No Wrong. Bring on the show.
Yes, coming back to life may be hard to do, but there is a fulfilling and meaningful life for you on the other side of this self-investigation. It is our brilliant path to self-mastery.
Big Lie # 5 Life Sucks and Everyone is Suffering.
Let’s move that 3D thought into the 5th dimension. We chose this difficult life because we were strong and filled with hope and wanted to make a difference. We came here under the loving eyes of our Guides and Masters and our Creator, and that has not changed. Life is difficult, yes, but with love in your heart for yourself and your struggles to be the brilliant Self you came here to be, you can find peace of mind. It does not depend upon your environment, or your luck, or how many people love you. It depends upon how faithfully you love yourself, and how thoroughly you accept the inner knowing that God did not make a mistake when s/he created you, and you did not make a mistake in coming here.
The Big Truth We Are All in This Together.
We are One, and we are loved unconditionally, equally, and constantly. There can be no loneliness when you have yourself for company and God at your side, cheering you on.
You are in charge of your wealth, your happiness, and your own fulfillment. In the Light of your own awareness, you will be able to manifest the Vision of truly helping others, without repeating the conflicts and heartaches we have all experienced in our 3D lives.
By opening yourself to the wisdom of your own heart you will be able to see others clearly, you will choose your relationships based on what is real in the present rather than denial and fantasy, and you will manifest the life you say you want. But to accomplish this, you will have to agree to feel absolutely everything, live in the present, and remain balanced and in the center of your being. Revel in it, delight in it, and let your feelings soar. Measure, evaluate, choose, decide, envision, plan, and make it happen. This is being truly You, truly human.
Kathryn E. May, PsyD and Gabriella Brightlight, Sept. 8, 2014, High Falls, NY
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